Post NESCBWI 2015 conference thoughts

It's been a while since I've written, mostly because I'm trying to wrap my head around this depression thing. Sometimes it's wrapping around me instead, coiling through my brain and lungs and heart, squeezing tighter and tighter until I cannot think, breathe, or feel. I'm working on it. It certainly won't win. I've never failed at anything, and I certainly won't fail at this.

So back to this post...

I attended the NESCBWI conference this past weekend for the first time. The workshops were so engaging, and the people were just incredible. I'd forgotten what it was like to be surrounded with people who love writing as much as I do. It was better yet because they all write for children, and that's where my heart lies.

I don't want to spend too much time blabbering on here, so I'm only go to describe what I feel has been the biggest thing I noticed at the conference: that I'm extremely lucky. Why? Because I have such an awesome support group of writers.

Over the duration of the conference, I spoke with tens of people. The subject that came up the most was critique partners, beta readers, support groups. Who do you bring your manuscript to once it's completed? How do you know you have what it takes to be a writer? When should you give up? Should you?

To quote agent Lauren MacLeod, "writers are crazy." We are. And we doubt ourselves and our abilities. One moment we feel we've written the next Harry Potter, and the next moment we're curled up in an empty party-sized pizza box with cheese in our hair and marinara down our chins. I've been there. Oh have I been there. And one thing has made a difference through it all. My support group.

Writers, we are not alone. We don't need to go it alone. Finding my group, a group of 2014 PitchWars mentees and alts, has made all the difference. If I need to cry, they're there. If I need to laugh, they're there. If I need to vent, to inquire, to joke, to hope, to celebrate, to staunch the crazy, to share a hotel room even though we'd never technically met (thanks, Rachel!), to find out where the hell in the world makes a pizza bigger than party-sized...they're there.

It's taken me almost three years to find mine, but I saw at the conference, those writers who seemed happiest, who seemed the most sure of themselves, all had their own version of a group. Writing is lonely, and, let's face it, most people don't understand exactly what writers go through, which is why finding a group is so important.

So yes, at the NESCBWI conference, I learned new exercises to open my mind to writing. Yes, I now understand the importance of blending emotions to create more complicated emotions, and I have more confidence adding diversity to my characters. But I also know how lucky I am to be a member of a strong writing group. The conference reminded me of it, solidified it really.

Sylvia, my Sylvia

Like a mother, I love all my "children" equally, but there is something so very special about Sylvia.  Therefore, there will be no wonder at my excitement upon hearing from my beta readers that they wanted more Sylvia.  Yes! Yes! Yes!  I want to give the world more Sylvia!  

The truth is, after I submitted my manuscript for the writers' conference, I hadn't spent much time thinking about Sylvia, Celia, and he-who-shall-not-be-named.  I hadn't wanted to think about them because I knew that if I did, I'd be tempted to make changes to what I had already submitted.  But, when I was sitting in the dentist chair, Sylvia crept into my mind, and she would not be denied.  That's so like Sylvia.

I tried to ignore her; I really did.  Then, at 4:45 this morning, when she prevented me from sleeping (again, so like Sylvia), I decided to give in to her.  It was a good thing I had the first period off today.  I mean, I would have gladly taught my students if I hadn't had the period off, but it gave me the time to bang out those itty bitty words that made up Sylvia's history.  Just as I finished, the bell rang, and the only thing that prevented me from doing a happy dance was the thirty students who were then sitting in front of me eagerly awaiting mathematics.

Now, I'm on lunch break, and I'm so excited about my new and improved Sylvia that I have to blog about it.  Oh, how I hope you love Sylvia as much as I do!

Tips from an Aspiring Author

Now that I am well established among my friends and family as an aspiring author, I have decided to impart some of my brilliant wisdom (ha).  In all seriousness though, I think some perspective from someone who is "new to the game" is sometimes helpful.  And, if it's not, this blog post allows me to sort through some of the major things I've learned since pursuing writing.

Tip 1:

Set measurable goals.  Just this week, I was feeling a little down and unmotivated.  After spending three days on the first page of Chapter Thirteen (no symbolism there), I finally decided what my problem was, and it wasn't the head cold I've been sporting.  I had forgotten my cardinal rule of goal setting.  Once I said, "Geez, April, you really should set a goal for this weekend," and I did, I found myself chipping away...at the next four chapters.  Nice.

I am not one of those people who struggles with procrastination.   The earlier, the better.  Do your work.  Get it done.  Afterwards, have some fun.  That's me.  But if you are a Procrastinator, set goals closer together.  If it's Monday, set a writing goal for Wednesday instead of Friday.  Even if you procrastinate, you'll still have something done by Wednesday and even more done for Friday.

Tip 2:

Find beta readers after you have completed the majority of your manuscript. Beta readers are super awesome people who will read your work and give you super awesome honest feedback. Usually, they read in exchange for you reading their work. My beta readers come free (about which I'm always a little guilty). Since I write YA, they are a small group of students from my high school. They are fantastic and LitD is better because of them.  Seriously better.

Tip 3:

Start following the social media sites of both writers and agents. I have found blogs to be the most useful learning tool.  They post excellent things including upcoming events I wouldn’t normally have known about, great books to read, tips for writing and querying, what the market looks like, etc.  

It also gives me perspective and makes these people whom I aspire to be like less intimidating.  Let's face it.  Established Authors = Scary.  Agents = Terrifying.  However, when you find that A-List-Agent tweeting about her cat or the new dress she bought, she's a real person now.  Nothing to be afraid of...much.

Tip 4:

Research, research, research. Lots of this can be done by reading the blogs of legitimate people, but you never know what good advice comes up just because you happen to stumble on a good site.  Case in point:  I never would have guessed that the title of my manuscript should be in all caps.  I had clicked on a blog through a blog through an agent's website when I discovered that little gem.  Now I tell everyone about it because, heck, I'm proud I found it.

Tip 5:

Interact with as many writers as you can.  Now you must understand, I live nearly as close to the middle of nowhere as you can get in central Massachusetts.  Except for the small grocery store in the center of town, my nearest grocery store is 25 minutes away.  My closest neighbors are cows and coyotes, so interacting with other writers is not easy.  I'd join a writing group if the nearest one didn't meet on school nights and wasn't an hour away.  My main source is through forums and larger blogs, but let me tell you one thing: When I do connect with other writers, it keeps me feeling motivated, and I like feeling like part of a community.

And finally, because I had to call my high school English teacher (I graduated 11 years ago, by the way) and have a four-way conversation on speaker phone with her husband and cutie little toddler son while they drove to some unknown Saturday morning destination before I had even the slightest idea of where to start, here are some very helpful places to start:

http://www.literaryrambles.com/
This place is wow.  Just wow.

http://www.rachellegardner.com/
A lit agent with fantastic posts about writing/market/everything. I’ve gone to one of her webinars where I learned tons of things I didn't even know I should ask.  She also posts regularly, which is nice for someone like me who creeps the internet.

http://askaliteraryagent.blogspot.com/
He’s got a very extensive ebook that is free to download. I recommend reading it.  Some of the things he says don't particularly jive with me, but the ebook is so jam-packed with info that I couldn't help learning something.

http://www.pw.org
Check this out. You can get an account for free and you don’t have to buy the magazine. They’ll send you emails with tips. I love their Speakeasy Forum to connect with other writers. You can ask questions and find out the skinny on stuff like conferences.  From real people.  Who aren't selling stuff. Score.

http://theblabbermouthblog.com/
Another literary agent with some helpful posts. Several of them have already helped to tighten up my writing.

There are a bajillian more out there, and it wouldn't do to list them all, but 

My favorite is: YA Highway! It’s very much YA driven (good for me), but they have a lot of good tips. I aspire to be like some of these fantastic women.  And actually, *they* tagged *me* in last Friday's Field Trip Friday for an article I brought to their attention! Can you imagine? Little ol' me? Okay, so it's not a big deal to anyone but me, but this blog had THREE extra hits because of it.  I'm not being sarcastic when I say that excites me.

Excitement vs Fear -- Round 2

Excitement vs Fear -- Round 2
I told myself I wasn't going to do it, and yet here I am doing it.  My old nemesis self-doubt is back.  I rarely allow myself to believe I'm good at anything.  The truth is I succeed in many things.  The problem is I've got too much modesty mingled with too much self-doubt to ever truly feel optimistic about most of what I do.

I'm an emotional person trapped in a logical person's body.  Or is it the other way around?  I want to balance what is realistic with what is optimistic.  I want to replace all of my ifs with whens, but I want to do it in such a way that doesn't get my hopes up too high.  So what am I afraid of?  Failure.

In many ways, LitD has been an experiment of sorts.  No, not the type of experiment about which I teach my AP Statistics students.  Okay, okay.  It's not an experiment at all.  It's an anecdotal exercise in forcing myself out of my comfort zone.  This is something I find myself doing (or attempting) more.  Last summer, I forced myself to initiate eight social situations.  I made it a goal and I succeeded.  Mind you, I was still overly embarrassed when a co-worker asked me to explain a document I emailed him yesterday.  I then spent the next twenty minutes re-reading the (short) file to determine what I may have done wrong.  I'm still not certain if he was jesting with me or not.  I'm easy bait.  

Now, I am forcing myself to move beyond my neatly arranged box of mathematics and into the terrifying world of writing.  This is how:

Today I distributed five copies of LitD to the five young adults who volunteered to help me tighten up my novel.  They already know this because I've told them multiple times, but I'm anxious about this step in my writing process.  Here's the thing:  I'm not anxious about criticism.  I love critiques.  I long to make everything I do better.  So, there is an element of excitement here too.  What I'm anxious about is...hm...maybe not being good enough?  It's hard to tell.

Until I put aside the self-doubt, I suppose I will be anxious about many steps in my journey to publication.  BUT! I am infinitely excited too.  (I'm sure I'll say that too much.)  And deep down, under everything, I know this is going to work, even if I only know it in small spurts.

How do you reclaim yourself from self-doubt?